An Open Letter To All Things Casein-
I’m breaking up with you for good, and no- this will not be an on-again, off-again deal. We’re done. I have loved you and been faithful to you and yet lately you have given me nothing but heartbreak.
You have become unfaithful to me. I trusted you for so many years to never betray me, never hurt me or leave me doubled over in heartache and you have done just that, and more, without one shred of remorse. What did I ever do to you? I faithfully brought you into my home, content you would never disgrace it; I spoke your merits well, I shared you with my friends and I enjoyed your company without asking for very much in return. Yet you, in your own malevolent ways have spitefully turned on me, and I have no other options but to dump you completely, your sudden transformation into a disreputable bad boy is now fully apparent. I have far more respect for myself than to continue to allow you to hurt me.
*sigh*
But I will miss you, in more ways than one.
I will miss the delicious way your creamy cheeses blended so beautifully into my many favorite meals; a spoonful of cottage cheese stirred into my tomato pasta sauce, mozzarella- oh the heartache!- so seamlessly melted on my pizza- stringy and rich, and a luscious tangy cheddar slipping out from between two pieces of perfectly grilled bread. I pine for you, cheese. Thank you for the memories. I will treasure them.
And creamy dreamy milk- nothing marries a cookie better than you with your rich and luscious taste, the way you soften the edges of cookie-ness to a palatable mess, or blend seamlessly into a cup of rich dark java, teasing me with the caramel-colored goodness.
Oh ice cream, how I will miss you. Your delicious way of turning a piece of cake into a rapturous experience may never be repeated in my lifetime.
But thankfully, there is a new love waiting in the wings, one that will be kinder, more tolerable and definitely more faithful than you, dairy. I praise the ways of soy- in it’s infinite forms- for the happily insidious way it has so seamlessly entered my life. Vanilla Silk soy milk makes my cereal and coffee sing; the chocolate version, swirled with ice and cold java, is a treat of the highest order and thankfully, soy yogurt with its beneficial flora can still keep my tummy happy. Follow Your Heart cheeses are my newest friend- and the mozzarella melts!- for our pizza cravings, grilled cheese sandwiches and finger food fix. Tofutti sour cream and cream cheese, as well as Earth Balance spread are fully acceptable alternatives, and the ice cream? Well, we’re still pursuing each other, warily checking out and testing the merits of a potential relationship. I’m sure, given some time and a few good hours spent together, like all relationships meant to be, it will slowly take hold and bring something good to my life.
So dairy, it’s been terrific but you have ceased to be useful, or appreciated in my life anymore. Be nice to others now, because I have all the information on alternatives if you choose to harass and bother anyone I know. We are all well aware that you are no longer the only game in town.
With fond memories,
Kate
Ha! Very funny. Though I know how sad it is to give up something you love. I had to give up most carbs for the last few months of my pregnancy. It was tough!
I happen to love vanilla soy lattes, btw.
Dear Kate,
You know, in your heart of hearts, that you don’t really mean that. Sure, you may enjoy your dalliance with soy for a while, but it’s not true love. The exhilaration of newness will wear away soon enough, and then you’ll be crawling back to, begging for just a nibble of the triple cream brie, just a small taste of the good aged cheddar, perhaps just one bite of the fresh chevre. Oh, yes, you’ll come back. They always come back.
You’ll see.
Your friend,
Cheese
Do you have to break up with the entire family? Maybe a wee dalliance with chevre (goat) or brebis (ewe) could still be entertained on occasion? It’s tough to cut ties with the whole family just ’cause of one bad apple, er, so to speak….
But, breaking up is hard to do….
Oh my gosh my heart feels for you kate.
Try coconut sorbet…mmmmm.
To make the best “ice creams” I take a regular ice cream recipe and tweek it by replacing the cream with coconut milk and the regular milk with almond milk. I’ll whip up some for you this summer! We should have an “ice cream” party! I do a pumpkin one that I usually horde, but I would share with you…
This is hilarious! Congratulations on your new relationship, wishing you many years of happiness!
Hi Kate! I just recently ended my relationship with diary as well. I am happy to see that someone out there in the big world of food blogs is going to be cookin’ up some great dairy-free recipes! I have been surprised at how well Earth Balance bakes. As far as ice cream goes, Soy Dream’s chocolate fudge brownie is one to try– rich and creamy. Good luck with this– doesn’t it feel great to be on the road towards health?!
[...] this year I became aware of the fact that dairy and I were no longer BFF’s. It had been a lifelong relationship that had ultimately turned very bad, and dairy was to blame. I [...]